SATURDAY

Saturday was pretty much “Panel Day” for me, as I spent the majority of my time at the convention center sitting in on a variety of panels. It occurred to me as I awoke that two hours might not be enough time to get into the LOST panel, so I rushed to get out of the hotel room, and in the process forgot to take my much-needed water bottle. I was right- the line for Hall H was already at 75% capacity when I showed up. I grew nervous that my worst fears would be realized and I wouldn’t be able to get in, despite arriving 2.5 hours early. Fortunately, I overheard someone saying that the waiting area could only house 4000 people, and as the hall had a 6,500 person capacity, I was guaranteed a seat. I chatted up a guy who happened to be named Alex, who I spent most of the day with. While we were waiting, a car pulled up, and Brent Spiner, a.k.a. Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation stuck his head out and asked what everyone was waiting for. Only at Con. When we finally were ushered towards the entrance, the security guards abruptly stopped us so that Stan Lee could walk by. Third Stan Lee sighting. Felt like Con needed “Stan Lee Crossing” signs.

LOST Final Season Panel

Hall H was indeed massive. I was pretty far away from the stage, but I didn’t really care- I was here, here for the final Comic-Con panel ever for possibly my favorite TV show of all time. The crowd went nuts when showrunners Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse walked on stage.

They played a little recap of Season 5, which also kind of acted as a trailer for Season 6. Before answering any questions, the writers said that one of the most frequently asked questions they received was, “Do you make the show up as you go along, or is there a gameplan?” To address this FAQ, the writers produced what they claimed to be the final two pages of the show’s final episode, which they placed in a lockbox. They each took a key, wrapped around their necks much like Jack’s gun key on the show, and declared that after the premiere of LOST’s series finale they would go on Jimmy Kimmel Live, open the box, and read it, proving that it was verbatim what the audience had just seen.

Next came a series of videos. First was a preview of “Mysteries of the Universe: The DHARMA Initiative,” a fake show from the 80s to be released on ABC.com and assumedly on the Season 5 DVD. Next came a montage of fan-generated content, which was hilarious, especially a video which implied that Jack and Sawyer were secretly totally gay for each other. Then Darlton announced the winner of the LOST theme song contest. They then presented an opening titles sequence they had cut to the song, both of which were absolutely hysterical. Each actor got their own little intro, but the best was “Terry O’Quinn as ???” The sequence ended with a freeze-frame of Hurley smashing into Ryan Price with the DHARMA van, at which point a giant yellow “LOST” title zoomed out as the singers yelled “LOST!!”

Darlton took a couple questions, one of which was really just a joke from comedian Paul Scheer, who presented the creators with a painting he had created of them arm-in-arm with a polar bear, made entirely out of velvet. Then they played a bunch more videos, all of which implied the castaways had been successful in their quest to rewrite the timeline. First was a fake episode of “America’s Most Wanted” for Kate Austen, which stated that Kate had accidentally killed some other guy when she blew up her estranged father’s house. Then came two ads- one for Mr. Cluck’s, which had Hurley saying he had a vision of delicious chicken during his time in Australia, which inspired him to create a new “Outback value meal” at his fast food chain. Then an ad for Oceanic Airlines, which boasted a “100% safety record.” Personally, I think this was all clever deception- get the audience to think the timeline’s been rewritten when in fact it hasn’t. Darlton is known for deceiving their audience during publicity events- a good strategy, as their show hinges on secrets.

Jorge Garcia reiterated my theory when he showed up to ask Darlton a question.

He said, “So guys, when you had me record that commercial, were you implying that history had been rewritten, and like, uh, the last five seasons are like, pointless? Because that would be a total cop-out.” He tried to ask another quesiton but was interrupted by Michael Emerson:

Who chastised him for breaking Con rules and asking a second question. Jorge accused him of being bitter, saying Michael had originally auditioned for the role of Hurley and had been given the guest spot as Ben as a consolation. Michael flatly denied it, so Jorge asked Darlton to back him up, and they rolled another tape: a hilarious fake audition where Michael Emerson, sporting a goofy bandana, read some of Hurley’s lines from the pilot.

After the video the two actors took the stage with the writers. Eventually Josh Holloway joined them as well, brandishing some kind of black object. “Do you know what this is?” He asked Damon. “Uh, a stun gun?” the frightened writer replied. “Exactly,” Holloway said as he “tazed” Damon, then proceeded to steal his lockbox key and threatened Carlton until he gave up his as well.

“Don’t get up, J.J. Abrams or I’ll taze ya again,” he said to the “unconscious” Damon. “Uh, Josh,” Carlton said, “That’s not J.J. Abrams. J.J. hasn’t worked on the show since the first season.” Holloway didn’t care, determined to open the lockbox and read the final scene of the show. When he did get his hands on the pages he paused, looking confused. “Don’t tell me you can’t read!” Michael Emerson yelled. “I forgot my glasses!” Josh replied. Michael took the pages, put on his glasses and read them aloud on his behalf. Probably the funniest moment of the whole panel:

“‘Interior, Circus. The big top collapses in a fiery inferno as Matt Parkman and Sylar face off. Parkman: How does it feel to be the last Petrelli? Sylar: What?!! A beat, as Sylar ponders this….’ What the fuck is this?!!”

Afterwards, more questions followed, including one that pertained to Richard’s seemingly eye-linered eyes. The writers decided to let actor Nestor Carbonell answer the question himself. So they put on a feed to the dressing room, where Nestor sat at a mirror, staring at himself. “Richard Alpert isn’t immortal, you are,” he whispered as he applied the eyeliner. He paused, looked at the pencil- “Wait a minute… this is Cobalt. I only wear Onyx!!!” He started cursing, then attacked the cameraman in a fury, cutting the feed. Moments later he appeared on stage, much to everyone’s surprise. Some more questions, then a final video: an in memoriam featuring almost all of the deceased LOST characters, some of which were given last names for the first time (Elizabeth “Libby” Smith, Karl Martin). The last was for Charlie, which was actually kind of emotional. When the lights came back on, Dominic Monaghan appeared on stage, creating an uproar in the crowd.

A great way to start the day, and definitely a highlight of both the Con, and my life in general. Great, great panel- the writers were genuinely appreciative of the fans, had a great sense of humor, and were overall very friendly. A hard act to follow.

The Simpsons Panel

A hard act to follow indeed. My plan had originally been to hit the floor for a bit then head to the V panel and hang out in Ballroom 20 until the Fringe panel afterwards. But Alex was a pretty cool dude and I was enjoying hanging with him, and as he was heading straight to the Ballroom 20 line after the LOST panel, I decided to just tag along with him. The line was incredibly long, and it took us over two hours to get in. When we did, we caught the tail-end of The Simpsons panel, which featured creator Matt Groening and several other writer/producers whose names I didn’t get. I wasn’t really that pumped as I stopped watching The Simpsons around the time the “Mr. Sparkle” episode aired, and felt that the show was actually kind of awful nowadays, but the panel was pretty good. The guys, who were all huge nerds, were all very nice and very receptive to the fans. What was interesting was how the majority of the questioners were little kids, which proves that the series lives on in the youth. Everyone who asked a question got a free prize, which I thought was nice. Groening also hinted at the possibility of a follow-up to The Simpsons movie, which I would definitely go see- the first was hilarious. The Simpsons also received a Guinness World record, presented by the same jolly Irishman, for “Longest Running Sit-Com.”

V reboot series pilot screening and Q&A

Next was a preview of the V reboot pilot, which despite some un-finished special effects, was shown in its entirety. I had high hopes- V has a really good concept and I love Elizabeth Mitchell, who is the protagonist. But honestly, it was pretty underwhelming, and I doubt I’ll follow the series when it airs in November, especially with new, original sci-fi shows coming out this season like FlashForward and Day One.

In case you have no idea what V is, or you’re Bob Burdalski and you think I’m talking about the Thomas Pynchon novel, I’ll give you a quick summary of the plot. Massive flying saucers arrive over 29 of the world’s major cities, Independence Day-style. A giant video of Morena Baccarin (Inara from Firefly) plays on their underbellies, informing the Earthlings that the “Visitors,” as they are called (apparently these aliens have no name for their own species) mean us no harm, and merely need water in exchange for their advanced technology. The majority of the population is quick to greet them as saviors, but an underground resistance movement forms, aware that the human-looking aliens are actually bipedal reptiles with fake skin, and mean to kill us all.

Like I said, a really great concept, but the pilot fell flat for several reasons. Pilots are, as a rule, very hard to write. The pilot needs to act as a hook, but also outline the rest of the series, and still be a compelling self-contained story at the same time. The teaser for V was a great hook. I liked that it didn’t dawdle- in the first five minutes the Visitors arrive and you’re thrust into the story. But it quickly lost momentum. Instead of focusing on what I personally wanted to see- how the world leaders were dealing with this intense phenomenon- we follow a gaggle of everyman characters, including a reporter, a businessman, a Catholic priest and Elizabeth Mitchell’s character, who’s an FBI agent. Despite having several FBI characters in my own pilot, I’m still sick of seeing them, particularly in leading roles. And I didn’t really buy Mitchell as a law enforcement agent. A large portion of the plot focused on her tracking down some illegal C4 shipments, which was really frustrating, because as I said, it didn’t focus on the Visitors, which is what I wanted to know about. It was also quite predictable at times. Alan Tudyk made a guest appearance as Mitchell’s partner and potential lover, and a subplot arose about a mole in the FBI. Of course, as he was the only other character we had met with an FBI badge, you knew he was going to be the mole, which he was (he was also an alien).

The pilot picked up in its last act, where all the pieces came together and you learned that Morris Chestnut’s businessman was himself a Visitor, but a renegade one allied with the humans, but overall it still felt lacking. One of the questions during the panel concerned similarities to the Battlestar Galactica reboot, and the producers talked about how they wanted to adapt V so that it was relevant in a “post 9-11 world,” a term I absolutely despise. But the problem is, their reboot doesn’t really feel like a reboot, more like a rehash. Not much seemed to have changed from the original, and as another Con attendee pointed out, the original was really about fascism, something that’s lost in this new version. In addition to being vastly superior to its predecessor, Battlestar Galactica also fundamentally changed the plot- in the new version Cylons look and feel just like humans. But V just felt like same-old, same-old. I’ll be interested to see how it fares when it premieres.

Fringe Panel

After the LOST panel, the Fringe presentation was a bit of a let-down. For starters, J.J. Abrams, the only person I really wanted to see, was absent- he had to attend Greg Grunberg’s son’s Bar Mitzvah. As co-producer Jeff Pinker put it, “sometimes being Jewish takes precedent over being cool.” Not that many hints were given about Season 2, but the panel was still funny and entertaining at times. Mostly I just got a really bad vibe from co-creators / writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, a.k.a. the guys who wrote Transformers, the Star Trek reboot, and Transformers 2, except for Skids and Mudflap, because you know, these guys can’t possibly be racist.

All the other showrunners I had seen- Brian Henson and Rockne O’Bannon, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, Matt Groeining, even the V guys- all had seemed overjoyed to be at Con, and appeared to love the adoration of their fans. Orci and Kurtzman looked like they wished they didn’t have to be there. In addition to the fact that they just physically look like nasty people, the pair just seemed sour, and due to the fact that they wrote fucking Transformers, and assisted J.J. Abrams in stealing my pilot idea, I didn’t have an awful lot of respect for them. It also kind of bugged me to hear Joshua Jackson talk about acting, as he’s so terrible at it. Also, I shouted the answer to one of the trivia questions (Q: Who’s name is actually David Robert Jones? A: David Bowie), but didn’t get a free t-shirt. But Anna Torv was incredibly hot, as was the girl who plays Astrid, Jasika Nicole, who looked great in a dress instead of her usual drab FBI fare.

………………..

After my panel marathon I considered getting autographs from Elizabeth Mitchell and Morena Baccarin, but the line was massive and I was still a little grouchy from the Fringe panel. So I decided to just wander the floor a bit in the last two hours of the show, and got to see some more cool costumes:

And the Batsuit from The Dark Knight:

I spent the last moments playing some more videogames. First was The Saboteur, which certainly seemed both cool and innovative, but was a little glitchy, so I think I’ll wait to see the reviews before I shell out the $59.99 to play it. The next game I played is a must-have, and I will certainly pick it up on its release date. Brütal Legend, the new game from Tim Schafer, an action title that puts you in the shoes of a metal band roadie who’s transported to a strange rock metal netherworld full of demons. The protagonist is voiced by Jack Black, who despite being disliked by all my friends, does a bang-up job and has a really funny voice. Awesome game.

Second day’s shwag haul: